When I entered nursing, I envisioned myself saving lives, helping patients and their families through their road to recovery, and connecting with people from all walks of life. And while I have fortunately been able to do all those things, I noticed a shift in how I viewed life as the years went by. Working in such an intense field at the tender age of 20 opened my eyes to some of humanity’s darkest moments. While there were many cases in which I saw patients recover and go back to living their lives, I’ve also dealt with traumatic situations that I still think about almost a decade later.
My years of working at the bedside have left me wondering if I’ve become “jaded” or if I’ve developed a mental block to protect myself from taking on the stress from those that I cared for. Sometimes, I think back to the little girl who was excited to help heal the sick and wonder what happened to her. Well, here are five ways that bedside nursing has changed my view on life. Disclaimer: This is a very real and raw commentary based on my experiences.
1. You Can’t Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Help Themselves
In nursing, this statement couldn’t be more accurate. I’ve talked to many people about why they should stop drinking or how to manage their diet and medications until I was blue in the face. However, if the person you are educating has no plans to do the work required to heal, you might as well be wasting your time. And this is quite saddening to see as a nurse. It took me years to realize that I can’t care about someone more than they care about themselves. Even if I shower someone with love and empathy, they still have to be willing to accept it and put in the effort it takes to recover.
This highlights the need for setting emotional boundaries as a nurse or healthcare provider. It can be disheartening to watch someone continue harmful behaviors or neglect their health, especially when you’ve invested time and effort into their care. Accepting that you’ve done your best, even when outcomes are not as hoped, is necessary for self-preservation in nursing. This is one of the reasons why I’ve also become more interested in preventative care. Giving people the knowledge and resources to make informed decisions about their health can hopefully make informed decisions about their health before they reach a crisis point.
2. Nursing Will Show You How Fragile Life Is
Bedside nursing put me face-to-face with the fragility of life. Witnessing patients from all age groups face serious, sometimes sudden, medical crises. This emphasized the unpredictable nature of our existence. Health and longevity are not guaranteed, regardless of age or lifestyle. The sudden decline of a patient, who was conversing and laughing hours before, serves as a stark reminder of how quickly circumstances can change.
This motivated me to spend more time appreciating the present moment and the importance of not taking time for granted. Moreover, it has reminded me to cherish my relationships, pursue my interests, and live fully, as the future is uncertain. After seeing so many seemingly healthy people face life-changing illnesses, I’ve become more intentional about traveling, practicing self-care, and actually enjoying my days off instead of dreading my next shift at work. Moreover, in realizing that health is a privilege, I’ve been filled with humility and gratitude for the things that I’m able to do.
3. Some People Will “Bite The Hand” That Feeds Them With No Remorse
Who actually wants to be in the hospital? Especially on holidays, birthdays, and family events? Your patients don’t. So, who do they take it out on? You. The nurse. As a bedside nurse, I’ve had things thrown at me; I’ve had my hair pulled, I’ve been spat on, bitten, cursed at, and the list goes on–and no, I don’t work in psych. There has been only one time in my career when I received an apology for that behavior. While I’m certainly not condoning this behavior, to maintain my composure, I’ve had to keep myself from internalizing other people’s actions. This is no easy feat.
In the real world, if someone assaults you, you can call security or the police. In nursing, sometimes people see you as a free pass to release their frustrations in any way possible. Unfortunately, because they are ill, there are rarely any consequences for their actions. Even when I reported these incidents to management, the situation tended to boil down to what I could have done to prevent it from happening. Another smack in the face. This has led me to have more of a tough exterior at work, which is unfortunate.
It’s important to know that you are a nurse and not a punching bag. While part of our job is to support and empathize with our patients, sometimes things go too far. Over time, I’ve learned to defend and advocate for myself in a professional way because, at the end of the day, no one else will.
4. I Stopped Feeling Bad About Calling Out And Taking Breaks
Seriously. I completely stopped caring and muted all work-related texts. Why? Because after months of thinking that I hated my job, I realized I didn’t actually hate being a nurse. I was exhausted in a way that required more than a night’s sleep. Picking up extra shifts out of guilt is not worth the amount of stress that you are putting on your body through. This type of constant burnout will affect you in the future through health issues, body aches, and chronic exhaustion. If your unit “needs you” then it is the responsibility of management to hire more people to fill those needs. Sometimes, you have to say no and ignore the retaliation that comes with it.
I’ve worked with countless nurses who live with back pain, insomnia, anxiety, depression, etc, and it has opened my eyes to the long-term effects of pushing yourself to the max. In a field where we care for others its easy to forget about ourselves. I realize that we only have one life, and I’d rather not spend it sacrificing my mental health and longevity.
5. We Are Working Within A System That Has Set Us Up To Fail
Despite everything that I’ve mention previously, majority of us as nurses still want to help. It’s ingrained within us. Nursing is what many of us feel we were called to do. However, we work in a system that doesn’t provide adequate resources to do our jobs effectively. As a result the patients suffer and the nurses are left with the guilt of being unable to help their patients adequately. How can one med-surg nurse care for 6-7 critically ill patients? How can an ER nurse manage care for the hundreds of people who come in without a CNA or tech? What does the hospital expect from a charge nurse with less than one year of experience as a nurse?
The problems are endless. Although many nurses have spoken up about it, the problem still remains. As a result, fewer people are willing to remain at the bedside for the duration of their careers. Who can blame them? These flaws within our healthcare system put our licenses at risk. When critical mistakes happen due to a lack of resources and proper staffing, the nurse who is responsible will have to deal with the consequences regardless of how overwhelmed they were during that shift.
Seeing these issues first-hand has made me weary about working in certain areas as a nurse. Our jobs are hard enough without being compounded by the stress of insufficient resources to provide high-quality care. As a nurse, you have to protect your license at all costs.
So, now that you’ve made it to the end of this article, how has bedside nursing changed you positively or negatively? Let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you!
7 Responses
40 years as a nurse and I completely agree with your assessment of the situation
Things have changed quite drastically over the years. It makes me wonder what the future of our profession will look like.
As a nurse for 40 some yrs, the last 33 yrs in critical care, I have learned some things about #1 and #1,3 and 5.
1. Often it is not as simple as “won’t help themselves”. The question to ask them without judgement, is what stops them from following advice. Resources, depression, anxiety, beliefs otherwise. Substance issues have unmanageable anxiety at their base. The same for food issues. So, look deeper and listen.
3. The most important life lesson, is to remember that what comes out of people’s mouths are about them, not you. Never take it personal, though it may feel personal. We see people at their most vulnerable. We know more about them sometimes than their families do. As a nurse, my job is to help people get through whatever situation they and their people are in, with the least angst possible. That does not mean the outcome for them is always “getting better”. Reducing angst starts with putting time in creating a relationship with them. That also starts with learning about humanity, meaning learning about ACEs, SPD, autism spectrum, mental health to include substances issues and other addictions. At their base is anxiety. When you understand these things, you can listen to patients and understand where maladaptive responses come from. Then you can help create a healthier dynamic with them based on the concept of caring, that will help prevent burnout and stress for your entire career. We are all just going through this world, doing the best we can for the moment we are in.
5. Until patient CARE becomes the priority over money…. until we really understand the absurdity and obnoxiousness of making money off of sick people… the system will set us all up to fail. We are patients and the patients are us.
As a nurse for 40 some yrs, the last 33 yrs in critical care, I have learned some things about #1 and #1,3 and 5.
1. Often it is not as simple as “won’t help themselves”. The question to ask them without judgement, is what stops them from following advice. Resources, depression, anxiety, beliefs otherwise. Substance issues have unmanageable anxiety at their base. The same for food issues. So, look deeper and listen.
3. The most important life lesson, is to remember that what comes out of people’s mouths are about them, not you. Never take it personal, though it may feel personal. We see people at their most vulnerable. We know more about them sometimes than their families do. As a nurse, my job is to help people get through whatever situation they and their people are in, with the least angst possible. That does not mean the outcome for them is always “getting better”. Reducing angst starts with putting time in creating a relationship with them. That also starts with learning about humanity, meaning learning about ACEs, SPD, autism spectrum, mental health to include substances issues and other addictions. At their base is anxiety. When you understand these things, you can listen to patients and understand where maladaptive responses come from. Then you can help create a healthier dynamic with them based on the concept of caring, that will help prevent burnout and stress for your entire career. We are all just going through this world, doing the best we can for the moment we are in.
5. Until patient CARE becomes the priority over money…. until we really understand the absurdity and obnoxiousness of making money off of sick people… the system will set us all up to fail. We are patients and the patients are us.
You’ve made some excellent points here. Thank you so much for your comments!
Your voice echos my own experiences about my bedside nursing practice of 40 years. I left bedside practice in 2021, due to “burnout” and PTSD, mostly due to a toxic work environment and a fear of being physically hurt during work life, secondary to insufficient staffing, and continuing poor management strategies. I worked in an ICU, caring for critical level patients. Between the increases in documentation for insurance reimbursements, and management expectations to do more with less, nursing was set up to fail for decades, and without any hope of improvement. What I witnessed during these times, was an ongoing inability to give appropriate, adequate and safe quality of care for my patient’s best outcomes, and a resulting personal moral injury as a professional nurse. Then, adding in COVID, and the demands of increased care for all of our assigned patients, as well as no one in management checking in with us to make sure we were ok emotionally, during this stressful time, the writing on the wall was clear. It became the time again that increased inadequate staffing, demanded even more with less, and managements expectations through the use mandating staff to double their working day witch increased fatigue, injury, and a risk for errors in patient care. I was out secondary to a physical injury, and as the date of the time to return to work approached, my anxiety was increasing, and I gave my notice to leave. I continue to have my nursing license, and work part time.
Thank you so much for your comment! It’s sad to witness how much things have changed over the years. All we can do is continue to build awareness and take the steps needed to protect our mental health.